“First of all, thank you both for coming. Let me start by telling you how sorry I am about your loss. We, here at Masterson, Johnson & Smythe, hadthe pleasure of dealing with your mother’s affairs since decades. My father, Smythe Senior knew her better than I do, but I speak for all of us when I express my condolences. So, should we make a start? Your mother has outlined the specifics in her last will and testament and she has prepared a personal statement I am to read out to you. Peter, your mother wants you to take care of the horses and the stable. There are some implications of this we need to discuss later, but she asked me to tell you the following: ’Peter, I am leaving you the horses, hoping that they will remind you what is important in life. Unlike your gambling and drinking buddies, they care about people and they will care about you if you let them.’

Sarah, your mother wants to pass on the family jewels to you as well as her wedding dress and ring. I have to specify here that these are the jewels that have been in the family before her birth, not the ones she acquired during her lifetime. She also left the following note: ‘Sarah, I am giving you the family heirlooms in the hope that you will not drink and gamble them away like your brother does and in the hope that you will come to your senses soon and get me the grandchildren I have been waiting for as long as I could.’

So, there are some other personal bequests to people who are not here and who have been informed separately, so I will skip this part and move on. What will be important to you is the part about the estate. Your mother has asked us to read this out to the both of you: ‘The remainder of my estate, including the house, jewellery, art and monetary funds will go to the RocCo company. The robot who took care of me during the last years did so, so much more sensitively and personal than you would ever have done, you greedy buggers. I still remember the conversations we had after your father’s death when you could not wait to get rid of me. RocCo must have felt like a godsend to you. Relieve your guilt. Unbound you from your duties. But honestly, RocCo turned out to be a godsend to me too. Taking care of me so much better than you would ever have. RocCo was never scared to touch me, to listen to me, to be with me. I could cry, grief, piss if I had to. I know you think your mother never pisses, she powders her nose. But let me tell you, I do. I have a body, I have needs, I bleed, curse and sweat and RocCo took care of all of this.

And let me tell you, he knew some things that your father never knew, never understood. He tried his best, poor bugger, but he had no idea what I liked. RocCo learned how to touch me, take care of my every need’ … Sorry, would you like me to get you some water. That cough sounds nasty. Should we take a break? … You are fine, ok, let’s go on then. Where was I? Oh yes. ‘RocCo took good care of me and my needs. Physically. Spiritually. I know you will try to turn this and twist this and make it sound like I am mad, but I am not. I am fully aware that RocCo is a robot, not human. He does not love me, he does not even care for me, but he does give care and he does so well. And I want others to have that feeling as well. Those who do not have a family or those who have a family of spoiled, rotten brats like I do. I want people to know that things can be different, that love and care is not that simple and that it is not unnatural to be with a robot.’

Right, that was all of it. Peter, we should talk a bit about what it means that you have the stables, while the rest of the estate does not give you access to them, so we should sort that out. Any other questions?”

I make zines & stuff. Design. Research.Dementia & Mental Health, Craft & Activism

I make zines & stuff. Design. Research.Dementia & Mental Health, Craft & Activism